You can judge a book by it’s cover – so the saying goes.
I told you in my last blog about Waterstones not having a single book on the menopause! Not one! And I need answers to a number of questions. So I decide to look on line for a book to help me. And am surprised. But not pleasantly so…
It’s the covers. If they are to be believed then the menopause is a time when your hair will become thick, shiny and glossy. You will have a wide smile showing even white teeth. Your body will be slim and lithe. According to one cover, when you enter the menopause your husband will start giving you piggy backs through meadows while you both laugh gleefully. One even referred to the menopausal years as the ‘sexy years’. This made me laugh so much I wee’d myself a bit.
Well menopause authors….Sarah Raynor and Christine Northrup amongst others…I beg to feckin differ!!!
Menopausal women do not tend to have glossy hair, cheery smiles and have piggy backs from their partners before a rampant sex session. On account of their hair falling out, grumpiness, weight gain and diminishing libido. Here is a picture that is a more accurate reflection of what a menopausal woman looks like.
Also the titles….titles like ‘The Wisdom of Menopause’. Seriously! Trust me .. you do not get wiser with the menopause. You get thick …. thick as mince!!
And this for me is one of the worst things. I was the smart one of my friends when growing up. It was my ‘thing’. My ‘tag’. There was the ‘wild one’, the ‘pretty one’ and the ‘quiet one’ (though it turned out the quiet one wasn’t so quiet as we discovered when we visited her in the wee Highland village she settled in. Suffice to say that the weekend we spent there proved that old adage ‘the quiet ones are the worst’ and that everything that happened in Forres that weekend we agreed will stay in Forres unless the ‘not so quiet one’ decides to do her own blog – and trust me it would be worth a read if she ever does!).
Anyway back to the point (menopausal women waver from the point quite a lot – deal with it!!). I was the ‘smart’ one. I was. I’ve got a degree and a post grad degree to prove it. I used to be able to absorb things quickly and could beat an elephant hands down in memory games. Not now. Now I forget everything. Everything. I can’t remember if I cleaned my teeth… if I rinsed the conditioner out my hair ….. if I turned the straightners off. The straighteners one is a biggie. I now have to take a photo of the plug socket so that I can refer to it when inevitably I panic and think I have left it on after I have left the house.
I used to read books – loads of books – one after the other, devouring and getting lost in every single one. But in the last year I have read just two – I just don’t seem to have the focus or concentration. As I type just now there is thick fog outside. Pea Soup weather as my Granny used to call it. Pea Soup brain is what I have.
Anyway – back to the books. I have ordered one of the books. Menopause for Dummies.
I am keen to find out:
- Should I have HRT? What are the benefits? What are the side effects? What happens when you come off it?
- If I had a hysterectomy – would that get it all over and done with? Or do you still have to go through it all?
- What are the natural alternatives to HRT?
- What is the longest time anyone has ever taken to go through the menopause?
- How can you tell how long it will take you?
- If you were to commit a crime, would being in menopause be considered a ‘mitigating circumstance’
Mainly though I am debating whether to go ‘au naturel’ or whether to pump the missing hormones in….